hello there, untitled notepad entry.

you sit there, just waiting for me to type into you.

so that is what I’m doing right now.

I can’t leave you empty.

I wish my stomach was empty.

All the time.

and I wish I could lose 20 pounds.

I gave up soda and fastfood completely for you, notepad.

that Diet Coke was put right in my face, I saw this pretty,

skinny girl at a party

sipping on it, so enjoyable. But I did not give in.

Water, water, water. 

Tea, coffee, party punch and wine.

I gave up splenda as well.

I’ve learned it makes me crave more sugar.

truvia is so much better.

I also gave up protein bars.

protein bars made me gain weight.

well, I shouldn’t blame it on the bars…

but me, and my nonexistant willpower.

I remember 3 years ago, being 80 pounds,

I got to wear what I wanted to.

I would literally live on Redbull and 

Hot Cheetos. Skinny as a twig, when I 

did not care about anything.

now that I care, and I’m stressing about

everything. I’m fighting to fit 

into these size 0 jeans.

I used to wear 00, they’d loosely hang off 

of my tiny hips.

now I’m scared to be a size 1. 

NEVER NEVER NEVER.

I’m so fat.